What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I started having children read for more info

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Having children is awful and interesting at the same time  

The first night I was the father of a child I left the hospital as soon as everyone was drugged up and I played poker all night at the Mayfair Club.

Ingrid, at the front door, refused to let me in until I insisted everyone was drugged and there was nothing else I could do.

And then I learned the horrible truths. The truths that if someone had only written on a bathroom wall I would’ve definitely had a vasectomy beforehand:

A) A 1 foot tall US citizen suddenly moves into your house and you are forced to deal with it. It’s like an invading army taking over your home.

B) This 1 foot tall US citizen doesn’t speak English and yet demands you understand it 24 hours a day.

C) This new roommate you are forced to tolerate cries all the time. Deal with it.

D) This new roommate that you are basically required to love shits on the floor or shits in their pants and expects you to clean it.

E) You are expected to feed your new roommate and they have less motor control then someone with no arms and no legs.

F) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you are required to make sure this 1 foot tall human doesn’t kill themselves by mistake. If they do, then you might go to jail.

G) You have to touch their dirty genitals when you clean them. Oh yeah, you have to clean them. A lot.

H) At night (if you are a man), they climb in bed with the love of your life and suck on their breasts. If they were a normal roommate you might kick them out of your house at that point. But now it’s against the law to do that.

I) You and your spouse have gone from being lovers to being “parents”. It’s the funnest thing in the world to be a lover. It’s so much fun that we spend almost every moment thinking and dreaming about loving. It’s not as fun to be a parent.

J) You have no idea if this 1 foot tall person will turn into someone you like or hate when they are five feet tall. It’s sort of random although you hope for the best. kids are fun to be with, they make sure they occupy you with something any time they are awake. 

in taking care of infants every body has to be involved even dads too

Getting Dad Involved

Your husband, who helped you through your pregnancy, may seem at a loss now that baby’s here. It’s up to you, Mom, to hand the baby over and let Dad figure things out, just like you’re doing.

1 Let him be. Many first-time dads hesitate to get involved for fear of doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of Mom. “Moms need to allow their husbands to make mistakes without criticizing them,” says Armin Brott, author of The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press).

2. Ask Dad to take time off from workafter all the relatives leave. That’s what Thad Calabrese, of Brooklyn, New York, did. “There was more for me to do, and I got some alone time with my son.”

3. Diving  up duties. Mark DiStefano, a dad in Los Angeles, took over the cleaning and grocery shopping. “I also took Ben for a bit each afternoon so my wife could have a little time to herself.”

4. Remember that Dad wants to do some fun stuff, too. “I used to take my shirt off and put the baby on my chest while we napped,” i enjoyed every moment of it