Women’s Rules for Men

Little directions to help you on your Happy Trend with the Females

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1. Call when you say you are going to call.

2. Never lie, about anything. We always find out.

3. Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.

4. Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don’t be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.

5. The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never “Yes.”

6. The correct answer to “Is she prettier then me?” is never “Yes.”

7. Victoria’s Secret is good. Bend-down Select is bad.

8. Ordering for her is good, telling her what she wants to order is bad, but you can give suggestions.

9. Being attentive is good, stalking is bad.

10. “Honey,” “Darling,” and “Sweetheart” are good, “Nag,” “Lard *ss,” and “B*tch” are bad.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. Also, yes or no is not always an acceptable answer either.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends have ever been as smart, pretty, funny, or good as your present girlfriend.

14. Her cooking is always excellent, even if you don’t like what she made.

15. Rule 14 does not mean that you don’t have to cook, cook for her when ever possible, and let her help if she wants. But if she is cooking for you and doesn’t want your help, stay out of the kitchen.

16. The Couch should be a close friend . Cold nights. No touching

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap and warm does not equal clean.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

19. Foreplay is a must. Remember she is like a diesel truck, you have to warm her up first.

20. Answering “Who was on the phone?” with “Nobody” is not going to end that conversation

21. Answering “Whose lipstick is that?” with “Nobody” is not going to end that conversation either.

22. Two words : Clean Socks, bath every-night

23. Believe it or not, you probably aren’t more attractive when you are sweaty, but dirty on heavy equipment almost always works. Unless you are really over weight with your crack haning out of your pants.

24. Burping and farting are not sexy.

25. You are always wrong.

26. Always say you are sorry.

27. She is probably less impressed by your rants about your cool car then you think she is.

28. She is probably less impressed by your rants about sports then you think she is also.

29. Being able to jump up and hit and awning does not impress her.

30. “Will you marry me?” is good, “Will you shack up with me?” is bad.

31. Don’t assume that every bad mood is caused by PMS.

32. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.

33. No means No. Yes means Yes. And Silence could mean anything she feels like at a particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

34. Never let her walk away alone, ever. That means always go after her.

35. Chivalry and Feminism are NOT mutually exclusive

36. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whin about it, just do it and get her something, no matter how cheap.

37. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

38. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.

39. If you do love her, tell her as often as possible.

40. Think clean boxers.

41. Remember Valentine’s Day, Birthdays and any cheesy “Anniversary” she so names.

42. Don’t try to change the way she dresses, but if she suggests something to you, try it.

43. Her hair cut is never bad, even if it is short.

44. Always suck up to her brother, even if you don’t like him.

45. Don’t let her friends pick on her or say anything bad about her.

46. The rules are never fair. Accept them without questions, and expect them to change at a moments notice. The fact that she has to go through labor while you are sitting on your butt in the waiting room, smoking a cigar with your friends isn’t fair either, but it balances everything out.

47. Asking if we put out, at anytime, is not good, especially on the first date.

48. Staring at our breast is never good, we have faces you know.

49. Talking about defecating is not a good topic.

50. Telling her “I told you so” or “You were wrong” is never good.

51. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times when you are in.

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